My Personal Testimony

Here is a testimony about my spiritual awakening and how I came to GOD.

I believed the existence of GOD in my early childhood. My mum believed in JESUS CHRIST as her LORD and SAVIOR, which leads me sometimes as a child praying with her and getting in touch with Christian things like listening to Christian music and reading books about GOD. Since I was a child, I had that blind faith of accepting whatever that had been taught. I feel so glad to have my mum who believes in JESUS CHRIST, the one and only true GOD; otherwise it would have been much difficult to come from another religion or simply none. My childhood faith was my foremost and essential foundation in GOD.

Throughout my life, I had always been professing myself as a Christian, but I wasn’t in reality. I rarely go to church, was ignorant towards GOD for most of my life and I did not know who GOD really is. I was not aware of HIS presence, yet oddly I was acknowledging HIS existence to others. I did not dig into the Word of GOD, which is the bible. Probably because I thought that the bible was boring. I was a rebellious person, especially when I was stepping towards my teenage years.

During my early teenage years, one day I was searching for something and I got into a website that posted about the bible. I was not really into bible stuff and the main reason I got into that website was because of an imagery that have pulled in my attention. I have raised question about that image and not particularly bible stuff. Although, somehow I have been reading her other posts overtime and my interests in her site continuously grew. I have got in contact with the author and we sometimes have chats which I quite enjoyed it. There is one time she has called me and what she said really absorbed into my mind. She told me about how the presence of GOD is all around us, even in the air as I remember. The author of that blog had built upon another layer of my foundation in GOD.

I was a completely prideful person due to the lust of the flesh in the past. I was selfish, indulged in sensual pleasures, perverted, malicious, materialistic, and had my own imagined world–I enjoyed things of the dark and not of the light, as though I thought the darkness was light. I was subconsciously yearned for freedom and things of the light, but I was just lost.  Even though I was living a good lifestyle; I always felt empty within me and I just wanted to fulfill it yet I wasn’t aware how I was able to do so. Now I know that this emptiness is the absence of GOD, and HE alone can fill up my deepest needs.

I did not even know I was naked, blinded and deceived until my spiritual awakening. As time passes by, the more evil I had done. I was spending most of my time on my stupid computer games and always been ignoring reality where my social relationships, even my own life had a huge decline. I was an abnormal person and self-destructive.

I was interested in the spiritual world and there was a period of time where I have researched much stuff about angels and heaven. I just basically never thought nor heard about hell, although I had wondered about the universe and the afterlife. Most of my concepts about these were wrong because I did not study the bible about these things, such as how heaven would be a boring place.

At my later teenage years, I went into a Christian school for around two years–we constantly sang worship songs, read the bible and pray to GOD. Even all these I wasn’t spiritually awakened and continued what I used to do.

During 2012, I was 16 years old. My mum wanted to be water baptized in the church. Shortly, I wanted to be water baptized as well like my mum, therefore we both planned to be baptized together at the same day and was baptized. My motive was kind of wrong because I thought that by being water baptized I can be saved to have eternal life in heaven. After baptism, things changed and I wasn’t fully aware of the “Holy Spirit” living inside of me.

Things changed because I felt more aware of the presence of GOD gradually, I sometimes look at the sky thinking about GOD and I was continuously convicted in my mind of my wrongdoings. I didn’t know these wrongdoings were called “sin”, although in common sense there were a lot of stuff I was doing was not right. I started having so much guilt over the stuff I did wrong and it felt so bad as though I was going through some kind of nightmares where I was feeling so distressed for quite a while. Not until I was spiritually awakened recently, that I have realized it was possibly the workings of the Holy Spirit who convicts the sins of a person.

Around the end of December, 2012; it was a big turning point for me. I have often been reminded of the 21st of December “doom’s day” and I totally believed it was real. I was so scared, hardly could sleep well and the fear of death had cut me to the core. That day came and went. I thought apocalypse was coming and it came not.

Fear took control of me so much, and afterwards I thought about GOD. When it comes to death, I naturally thought of the only hope and help there would be left is GOD. It was that time I started to begin my searching for GOD again. My searching began at the website I have mentioned before and it is called “Heaven Awaits” I had previously been to. I participated into the comments and read posts about GOD. I even asked about the end of the world.

The more I searched her website overtime; I landed up on the page about a testimony of hell. It has changed my life so much and it was at that point I was starting to be spiritually awakened, yet troubled me at the depth of my heart. I believed that hell exists and cried at some point of the time after reading the post, not necessarily on the same day. I remember I wanted forgiveness from GOD for my sins and had a heart of repentance over them.

It was around that time, I started fearing GOD and thought of changing my lifestyle. Then, I have been searching for GOD more, like never before. The year 2013 came, and it felt surreal to me, let alone 2014. The matter about “hell” has always been running in my mind after the time I read about the testimony. I kept thinking about it so much because the topic about “hell” sank into me so intensively, as though I wanted to know more about it.

One day, I was trying to search for more testimonies about hell by search engine and I have landed on a page about another person who has written a testimony of hell. I have read it and believed completely of what she has said. I remember I have saved a link on my email and the time I have clicked on the link it strangely opened up two pages. One of them as I remember was the link to the specific testimony and another is the homepage which was not linked automatically popped out of nowhere. I did not even know there were more testimonies, even a homepage so to say. The website was called “Divine Revelation” and another similar to this site is called “Spirit Lesson”.

Simultaneously, I was super obsessed in reading the heaven and hell testimonies of that website and kept rising up many questions to the author of the website I have mentioned. It has continued several months and I read almost all of the heaven and hell testimonies available on that website. At the same time, I have also learnt much about the bible through the teachings of that site author. The fear of the LORD in me increased so much that it completely changed the ways of my life. Of course, it is not an overnight change but it was turning over my life into a new direction.

I kept repenting of my sins, started to pursue holiness by forsaking worldly pursuits and my life have been gradually adjusting better when the more I seek the will of GOD for my life. It was that period where I was really living life and turning back into a normal person I was supposed to be. I started going to church regularly, listening to more Christian songs, praying and reading more bible. Even though I was not to the point of true spiritual maturity, but I was getting into it. Singing worship songs were hard for me at the initial phase, due to I had so much pride rooted deep within me from the past. I wanted to love GOD and since I came from a background full of maliciousness and pride within me, it was a real challenge.

Until now, the year 2014 I have been more mature in spirit and my faith in the LORD has grown a lot, even the love of GOD and fear of the LORD. My worshipping of the LORD humbles me and it is easier for me than before to praise GOD in truth and spirit. I try to read my bible everyday and desire to pray to GOD throughout the day. I pray to GOD more than before and I am so glad I have been overcoming my trials time and time again. I wouldn’t be able to go this far without the LORD. HE alone is my everything. To GOD, JESUS CHRIST of Nazareth; YAHUSHUA HA MASHIACH alone be the glory and praise for ever and ever! Amen.

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15 thoughts on “My Personal Testimony”

    1. Surely HE is awesome! 😀 To HIM be all the praise and glory! Even though I was completely trapped into darkness and there was nothing good left in me, HIS love was still set upon me. HIS love humbles me and changes me, my life completely. No matter how astray that I have gone throughout my life, HE have that awesome miraculous power to redirect me back to HIM. I feel so thankful for HIS love and mercy, grace and forgiveness upon me as I was a really terrible sinner.

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  1. God is good! You said something on your About page I wanted to address, because as you come closer to Him, you will know His truth, and as He said, “The Truth will set you free.” You said, as you spoke of heaven and hell, “the eternal outcome based on what we do in this life.”

    We are His heirs to the kingdom based on our faith, not on what we do. When we wander off the path of righteousness, and we confess and repent to Him, He accepts us back with open arms with no condemnation (Romans 8:1) because he loves us unconditionally.

    The Book of Revelation explains that at Jesus’ return, heaven will return to earth as the New Jerusalem, and God will walk again with those of us who believe. Hell will be the place outside of heaven, where people are not allowed in the presence of God, where those who have turned their backs on Him (and have not been destroyed) are left to their own devices.

    You are on the right track; don’t ever believe that God will abandon you because of what you do. He created you in His image and now that you believe and the Holy Spirit abides in you, He will complete His work in you. The grace that met us where we were will not be content to leave us there. He will bring us to the place of being that He intended for us with the Spirit’s help and guidance.

    Continue to learn through biblical commentaries. Do not look at one point of view; look at many. Seek the truth. Seek the kingdom of God. Seek confirmation in the Bible. He will point you to His everlasting love and truth.

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    1. Dear Susan

      Thank you so much for your time reading my testimony! I am so happy to have someone to talk to about GOD.

      I agree that GOD is so good (James 1:17). Of course, we are saved by faith through the blood of JESUS CHRIST alone. Although faith without works is dead as said in James 2:14-26. The statement I said “the eternal outcome based on what we do in this life.”, I want to explain here that I did NOT mean that we are saved by works. Our own righteousness are like filthy rags (Isaiah 64:6). I was talking about eternal choices, whether we choose the pathway to that narrow road to heaven or broad road to hell is a choice–an action.

      I can’t wait to see JESUS CHRIST; YAHUSHUA one day in heaven. I just so homesick and super excited for the LORD to come…it is like very very soon! Oh, how I dreamed about the great times when I am up there. It is so near, we can see the biblical fulfillment regarding the end times are coming to pass one after another.

      I think it is quite interesting when I read the book of Isaiah. One of them is this “And they shall go forth, and look upon the carcases of the men that have transgressed against me: for their worm shall not die, neither shall their fire be quenched; and they shall be an abhorring unto all flesh.” Isaiah 66:24. I was surprised to know that saints can see the people suffering in hell? Also how outside of a peaceful place would be a nasty environment to see? I was thinking how it may upset people to see horrible stuff cause I always thought that heavenly people do not see these stuff as they are living in peace and happiness.

      Thank you for your encouragement about GOD not forsaking me because of what I do, perhaps my mistakes like stumble upon sins. I do feel quite guilty many times because I know I am forgiven once I repent, ask for forgiveness, however it is like a constant cycle as I keep sinning. I know that humans do make mistakes, and I do believe that as long as I am in my flesh, I will stumble. I hate sins, I don’t want to sin anymore. I already told GOD I don’t want to sin. I already repented and I keep falling. Here in this verse: “But he giveth more grace. Wherefore he saith, God resisteth the proud, but giveth grace unto the humble.” James 4:6. Because I repent, that comes from humbling oneself, thus I do believe that GOD’s grace is still upon me.

      I really like what you said about how GOD would complete HIS work in me, HE is the author and finisher of our faith (Hebrews 12:2). Truly, I do believe that as long as we submit to the will of GOD, we will be guided by the HOLY SPIRIT into the right path of where HE wants us to be in. I love to know more about the bible, and I am looking forward to read my bible commentaries.

      GOD bless you my dear sister in CHRIST.

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      1. I think we all feel guilty when we sin and wander away from His path. That is because we now have His heart and His Holy Spirit in us; we ache to please Him. I believe that He knows our desire to do that. He also tells us that His grace and mercy are new each day. He does not want us to feel guilty, only convicted.

        Bless you as well. You are a most perfect vessel for His light and love.

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      2. I do not dare to add the word “most”. We are all perfect vessel for God’s purpose through us when we rely on the power of the Holy Spirit completely. I do believe we are all special in God’s eyes.

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    1. Yes, HE loves all of us, even the sinners. GOD is love. 🙂 When thinking about GOD’s love for us, I often think of this verse:

      Romans 8:38-39
      38 For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,

      39 Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

      I am amazed at HIS great love. HIS eternal love…

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  2. Thank you for a very lovely testimony. God has forgiven you and washed away all your sins; your faith in that is the most important thing in your life. Just rejoice in that, it is enough for now. I like what Susan Irene Fox shared with you: “We are His heirs to the kingdom based on our faith, not on what we do. When we wander off the path of righteousness, and we confess and repent to Him, He accepts us back with open arms with no condemnation (Romans 8:1) because he loves us unconditionally.”

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    1. Thank you so much for taking the time to read my testimony! Yes, GOD loves us with a divine love, “agápē love” as I have learnt that it is an unconditional love. Without this kind of love from GOD, humans would yearn for that emptiness forever to be filled. Many people in this world they want love, but they get it the wrong way. They always stick to Eros love that are sexual in nature, which only satisfies for a while and they yearn for it again.

      GOD bless you my dear brother in CHRIST! Have a GOD filled day 🙂

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  3. A beautiful and honest story, Jessica! I read how the Lord blesses those who come to Him with sincere sorrow for their sins. He has promised to forgive them forever! What a wonderful gift…

    Continue to read and study. Join a Christian church congregation and study with them. The Church of Christ is a very good, non-denominational body of the Savior. I have more about them if you are interested.

    For now, be good and stay hungry for positive change in your life!

    Steve 🙂

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    1. Only by the blood of Jesus, we have hope into His eternal rest and able to escape from eternal hell torment! I have tried joining different churches, and most mainstream churches do not talk about how to be rapture ready, staying in holiness, intimacy with God, watching signs of His return…Etc. I love watching conferences online. Thank you for your time to read my testimony! God bless you, Steve!

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