Here is a testimony about my spiritual awakening and how I came to GOD.
I believed the existence of GOD in my early childhood. My mum believed in JESUS CHRIST as her LORD and SAVIOR, which leads me sometimes as a child praying with her and getting in touch with Christian things like listening to Christian music and reading books about GOD. Since I was a child, I had that blind faith of accepting whatever that had been taught. I feel so glad to have my mum who believes in JESUS CHRIST, the one and only true GOD; otherwise it would have been much difficult to come from another religion or simply none. My childhood faith was my foremost and essential foundation in GOD.
Throughout my life, I had always been professing myself as a Christian, but I wasn’t in reality. I rarely go to church, was ignorant towards GOD for most of my life and I did not know who GOD really is. I was not aware of HIS presence, yet oddly I was acknowledging HIS existence to others. I did not dig into the Word of GOD, which is the bible. Probably because I thought that the bible was boring. I was a rebellious person, especially when I was stepping towards my teenage years.
During my early teenage years, one day I was searching for something and I got into a website that posted about the bible. I was not really into bible stuff and the main reason I got into that website was because of an imagery that have pulled in my attention. I have raised question about that image and not particularly bible stuff. Although, somehow I have been reading her other posts overtime and my interests in her site continuously grew. I have got in contact with the author and we sometimes have chats which I quite enjoyed it. There is one time she has called me and what she said really absorbed into my mind. She told me about how the presence of GOD is all around us, even in the air as I remember. The author of that blog had built upon another layer of my foundation in GOD.
I was a completely prideful person due to the lust of the flesh in the past. I was selfish, indulged in sensual pleasures, perverted, malicious, materialistic, and had my own imagined world–I enjoyed things of the dark and not of the light, as though I thought the darkness was light. I was subconsciously yearned for freedom and things of the light, but I was just lost. Even though I was living a good lifestyle; I always felt empty within me and I just wanted to fulfill it yet I wasn’t aware how I was able to do so. Now I know that this emptiness is the absence of GOD, and HE alone can fill up my deepest needs.
I did not even know I was naked, blinded and deceived until my spiritual awakening. As time passes by, the more evil I had done. I was spending most of my time on my stupid computer games and always been ignoring reality where my social relationships, even my own life had a huge decline. I was an abnormal person and self-destructive.
I was interested in the spiritual world and there was a period of time where I have researched much stuff about angels and heaven. I just basically never thought nor heard about hell, although I had wondered about the universe and the afterlife. Most of my concepts about these were wrong because I did not study the bible about these things, such as how heaven would be a boring place.
At my later teenage years, I went into a Christian school for around two years–we constantly sang worship songs, read the bible and pray to GOD. Even all these I wasn’t spiritually awakened and continued what I used to do.
During 2012, I was 16 years old. My mum wanted to be water baptized in the church. Shortly, I wanted to be water baptized as well like my mum, therefore we both planned to be baptized together at the same day and was baptized. My motive was kind of wrong because I thought that by being water baptized I can be saved to have eternal life in heaven. After baptism, things changed and I wasn’t fully aware of the “Holy Spirit” living inside of me.
Things changed because I felt more aware of the presence of GOD gradually, I sometimes look at the sky thinking about GOD and I was continuously convicted in my mind of my wrongdoings. I didn’t know these wrongdoings were called “sin”, although in common sense there were a lot of stuff I was doing was not right. I started having so much guilt over the stuff I did wrong and it felt so bad as though I was going through some kind of nightmares where I was feeling so distressed for quite a while. Not until I was spiritually awakened recently, that I have realized it was possibly the workings of the Holy Spirit who convicts the sins of a person.
Around the end of December, 2012; it was a big turning point for me. I have often been reminded of the 21st of December “doom’s day” and I totally believed it was real. I was so scared, hardly could sleep well and the fear of death had cut me to the core. That day came and went. I thought apocalypse was coming and it came not.
Fear took control of me so much, and afterwards I thought about GOD. When it comes to death, I naturally thought of the only hope and help there would be left is GOD. It was that time I started to begin my searching for GOD again. My searching began at the website I have mentioned before and it is called “Heaven Awaits” I had previously been to. I participated into the comments and read posts about GOD. I even asked about the end of the world.
The more I searched her website overtime; I landed up on the page about a testimony of hell. It has changed my life so much and it was at that point I was starting to be spiritually awakened, yet troubled me at the depth of my heart. I believed that hell exists and cried at some point of the time after reading the post, not necessarily on the same day. I remember I wanted forgiveness from GOD for my sins and had a heart of repentance over them.
It was around that time, I started fearing GOD and thought of changing my lifestyle. Then, I have been searching for GOD more, like never before. The year 2013 came, and it felt surreal to me, let alone 2014. The matter about “hell” has always been running in my mind after the time I read about the testimony. I kept thinking about it so much because the topic about “hell” sank into me so intensively, as though I wanted to know more about it.
One day, I was trying to search for more testimonies about hell by search engine and I have landed on a page about another person who has written a testimony of hell. I have read it and believed completely of what she has said. I remember I have saved a link on my email and the time I have clicked on the link it strangely opened up two pages. One of them as I remember was the link to the specific testimony and another is the homepage which was not linked automatically popped out of nowhere. I did not even know there were more testimonies, even a homepage so to say. The website was called “Divine Revelation” and another similar to this site is called “Spirit Lesson”.
Simultaneously, I was super obsessed in reading the heaven and hell testimonies of that website and kept rising up many questions to the author of the website I have mentioned. It has continued several months and I read almost all of the heaven and hell testimonies available on that website. At the same time, I have also learnt much about the bible through the teachings of that site author. The fear of the LORD in me increased so much that it completely changed the ways of my life. Of course, it is not an overnight change but it was turning over my life into a new direction.
I kept repenting of my sins, started to pursue holiness by forsaking worldly pursuits and my life have been gradually adjusting better when the more I seek the will of GOD for my life. It was that period where I was really living life and turning back into a normal person I was supposed to be. I started going to church regularly, listening to more Christian songs, praying and reading more bible. Even though I was not to the point of true spiritual maturity, but I was getting into it. Singing worship songs were hard for me at the initial phase, due to I had so much pride rooted deep within me from the past. I wanted to love GOD and since I came from a background full of maliciousness and pride within me, it was a real challenge.
Until now, the year 2014 I have been more mature in spirit and my faith in the LORD has grown a lot, even the love of GOD and fear of the LORD. My worshipping of the LORD humbles me and it is easier for me than before to praise GOD in truth and spirit. I try to read my bible everyday and desire to pray to GOD throughout the day. I pray to GOD more than before and I am so glad I have been overcoming my trials time and time again. I wouldn’t be able to go this far without the LORD. HE alone is my everything. To GOD, JESUS CHRIST of Nazareth; YAHUSHUA HA MASHIACH alone be the glory and praise for ever and ever! Amen.